The Location Astrologist

Believe it or not, there's such a thing as a Location Astrologist. I heard about it when I landed in Portland from a friend that had used one when she was deciding whether or not to move. I have to say, I was incredibly intrigued. I thought, "Awesome, I don't have my next place after Portland figured out!" My friend received 2-3 locations that would be ideal based on her astrological chart. I didn't have a plan for where to travel to next and was more than happy to have a little outside counsel.


His website was a bit whack-a-doo, (no that's not a real word, but extremely descriptive of his site) but there were a few phrases that caught my eye:


"Find more fortunate locations with a Master Locational Astrologer."

"Before you move, hire an expert in locational influences, and find the best place for you and your successful life."


I figured it would be a fun experience either way. So, I signed up, sent him my story or travel and desire to find creative and visually beautiful places with wildly supportive people where business and friendships would thrive.





I feel the need to be clear here. Up until this point, I had never gone to an astrologer, never had my chart read and had only casually read my horoscope from time to time over the years.


After he'd had my information (birth date, location, and time) and reviewed my chart, I met with him for my reading. I was super excited to hear about my optimal locations for health, wealth, work, relationships and love.


I never thought his search would have had the results it did. And it was both funny and a bit crushing.


He started talking about Portland, then Maine, then the entire East Coast. The short of it is that the reading revealed the entirety of the East Coast wasn't great for me. He said I'd have a life devoted to work, bad neighbors, incessant construction noises, barking dogs, problem homes with heating and cooking issues, good girlfriends but a very sad stable of love options.


He went on to say that the entire middle of the United States also wouldn't be good for me either. (Yes, the entire middle of the US, top to bottom and from Ohio and Wyoming.) He talked about planetary alignment and how that area of the country wouldn't be hospitable to me for at least 7 years.


After about 20 minutes of inhospitable location explanations sprinkled with a fair share of doom and gloom, he told me that he was going to refund my money because my chart wasn't aligning with ANY place in the US except Bend, OR and a few little nearby communities that he would recommend.


He told me he wouldn't be comfortable recommending any sort of move.


But if I wanted to check out Bend, Oregon, he said that I should show up on the Tuesday before Thanksgiving after 4pm and stay at least 5 days. The specificity of this option and the lack of ANY other options across the ENTIRE UNITED STATES still perplexes me, makes me shake my head and chuckle a little.


What would you do if you were in this situation?


Well, if you're me, you consider checking out Bend for a millisecond (why not?!) and then refuse to believe that the options for a truly wonderful life are that limited. If one so-called expert was going to say that true happiness was only going to be found in Bend, Oregon, I'm not going to sit back and take it.


What did I do?


I found another astrologer and got a second opinion! (of course) Sadly, not another location astrologer, so I'm on my own with exploring the US. But he did confirm that my chart showed many paths ahead that could be great.


I was looking forward to having a great story to share... a great list of options from a Location Astrologer... a string of amazing locations perfect for me... a new landing place where I was thriving in every way possible... That would have been a FUN story. I still smile when I think of this experience. But the smile also comes with a bit of a head shake and a sigh.





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